And the headline of the week goes to ...

... The Sun, for this classic ten-decker.

Contender for headline of the week

Here's an early contender for headline of the week from the Medway Messenger - Hearse joyrider had meat cleaver down trousers. It certainly fulfils the criteria of building a picture in the readers' minds and encouraging people to read on. Haven't most newspapers banned 'joyriders/joyriding' though? And given the short last line why not 'jogging bottoms' instead of trousers? Still, a cracking headline. 
Hat-tip to @danbloom1